I think this kind of situation makes it easy for that to change. There's only so much you can do to avoid others in close quarters, like this, and with all your time spent around them...
[she just makes that correction quietly, with a small shake of her head.]
It's difficult, I know. Even in situations where you know someone won't be around in the long term-- we lean toward connecting with others. The bonds that tie everything and everyone together are a powerful force.
But I think there's more to be gained from letting yourself get to know others, and appreciating that time for what it is, than there is in protecting yourself from ever being hurt.
... No, I guess I already know the answer to that. I've been through this before. Going from being totally alone, to making connections with people, being part of something... I'm glad that I did, in the end, but...
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[after a moment, lucretia takes a seat on the grass nearby, moving a little gingerly as she does.]
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... I think she wanted to be friends.
I kept ignoring her and pushing her away.
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[there's no judgment there, she's not chiding her, and her own voice remains fairly quiet.]
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It used to be a lot easier to just shut people out and not give a damn.
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Distance becomes harder.
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It's just... stupid. Like there's no right answer.
You let people in close, and you get hurt.
You try to keep them away, and you get to think about what a jerk you were when it's too late to take any of it back.
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[she just makes that correction quietly, with a small shake of her head.]
It's difficult, I know. Even in situations where you know someone won't be around in the long term-- we lean toward connecting with others. The bonds that tie everything and everyone together are a powerful force.
But I think there's more to be gained from letting yourself get to know others, and appreciating that time for what it is, than there is in protecting yourself from ever being hurt.
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... No, I guess I already know the answer to that. I've been through this before. Going from being totally alone, to making connections with people, being part of something... I'm glad that I did, in the end, but...
The first steps were the hardest ones to take.
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If you need help taking them, you can ask for it any time, Rita.
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Uh--
... Thanks.